Marks

I'm used to blogging on my journal blog, so my natural instinct is to start every post with "Dear Journal." But I'll refrain on this one :)

Several years ago, when I was doing school at home and we were memorizing lots and lots of quotes and scriptures and poems, I was introduced to this quote. It has changed my life. And often, throughout my weeks, I reflect on these words:

"Nothing touches the soul but leaves its impress, 

and thus, little by little, we are fashioned into the image 

of all we have seen, heard, known, and meditated, 

And if we learn to live by all that is the fairest, and the purest, and the best, 

The love of it all will, in the end, become our very lives."

~Grenville Kleiser

I truly believe that. Whatever I see, or do, or hear, or think about leaves a mark on my soul. The choices I make, the thoughts I have, the media I use leaves an impress on me. 

In addition, I've always been impressed by the last sentence in the 13th article of faith (13 statements on what I believe as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints).

We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul-We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.

We seek after things that are lovely, of good report, or praiseworthy. I love that. 

In addition, throughout my life I have always been extremely sensitive to things--books, movies, songs, etc. I have a hard time remembering that these things aren't real. Because of that, there have been many movies and books that have changed my life, have impacted me in a monumental way. But also because of that, I have had to learn to be extremely careful what I let enter my mind. Because I feel it as it impacts me, good or bad. 

So...tonight 4 of my siblings and I went to watch the 3rd Hunger Games. I hadn't seen any of them before my mission so I watched the first two in the last two weeks to get ready for the third one. All of them are pretty intense. The premise is both gruesome and fascinating. And the principles it emphasizes are awesome. It makes people think and introduces the debate over "safety" in exchange for freedom. With that being said, however, after each movie I'm left feeling a little bit sick over the violence and intensity. I know, I know, they aren't even that intense compared to a lot of movies, but they're pretty intense to me :) And each time I'm left wondering if I like the impact it is making on me. Is this impress it is leaving on my soul positive? Is it making me a better person? Is it helping me become who I want to be? I'm not sure. 

Now I am NOT saying the Hunger Games movies or books are bad. I actually like the movies a lot and might read the books. I think they portray some really important truths about freedom and government and doing what you know is right. But I just don't know if I like the impact it's making on me. Do the benefits of those things outweigh the sick feeling I get as I watch them? I guess I have a year to think about it :) 

Hello!

Dear blogging world,

It's been a while. About 21 months to be exact :) I've been home from my mission for just over 3 months. And I think I'm finally ready to blog again. I've missed it. A lot. It is a really good way to express what I'm feeling and record special events and happenings.

When I started blogging my parents were shocked at how open I was on my blog. But I was all for it. I had no qualms about saying exactly how I felt and why I felt it and what made me feel that way. But I think being on a mission made more cautious about how open I am about my feelings. I've become more careful about what I share and who I share it with.

SO because my last blog was very emotional and dramatic (and, lets be real, a little over the top sometimes haha) I'm starting this one. So if you want to read about me before my mission, click here, (keeping in mind that I've learned a lot since then ;).

Here is a little update on my life:
I'm still at BYU. I have one semester left of the nursing program which I'll start in January. So if everything goes as planned I will graduate in April 2015. Crazy.

When I got home from my mission I took a CNA class and am now working as a certified nurses assistant at a nursing home in south Provo. I take my certification test for that next Tuesday. Finally!

I'm living in Provo with Allegra and Amanda, two girls from my mission. It's awesome.

My dating life is not exciting at the moment--I'll update you when it gets that way.

I'm still obsessed with dance, good literature, and my family. I love music. But I'm still more often in the mood for Christian Rock than regular music these days :) I am learning the guitar. I'm trying to ride horses more often. And school is not nearly as high on my priority list as it was before my mission.

*Side note--I think everything in my life happens backwards in relation to everyone else... Freshman year is normally not the best year for people. However, it was probably my most studious year. I didn't miss class once and I studied all the time. People normally become better students after their missions, Not me! I'm definitely a less responsible student. Because I realized I didn't want that to be my highest priority...

I miss my mission a lot. I miss the constant opportunities to share my testimony of my Savior and of the happiness that comes from His plan for us. I miss the hours of study. I miss the complete focus on doing Heavenly Father's work. I'm going through a process now of trying to apply those things into my life now. Being home is DEFINITELY harder than my mission ever was. But as I've thought about it, it makes sense. My mission was teaching me tools to use the rest of my life. And that's why my mission was only 18 months. It was just a preparatory phase for the real challenges of life.
I'm trying to learn to love this phase of my life. I'm learning to love the feeling of always being stretched and changed and taught, even when it's painful. This is where so much of my real growth has happened. And I'm excited to see how I continue to learn and change. So I'll blog about it :)

Happy Thanksgiving everybody!

Beks