Accountability

I'm really serious about trying to change the lens I see the world with. Here are the responses to my goals for the rest of this week:

Saturday: I am really grateful for Lara. She has been so willing to let me be her friend. And I love her for it. I'm also grateful for Paris and how much she helped out at work. And I'm grateful for fruit. :)
Something I did well was to notice and be persistent in getting a resident's catheter replaced as it was leaking. It had caused a LOT of skin breakdown and I'm so glad the nurse put a new one in so she could stay dry. And I learned a lot watching that.

Sunday: I'm really grateful for Allegra. Our relationship has been a little bit rocky the last several months. But I'm grateful she was willing to be honest with me and I could be honest with her and we could figure out things we could improve and do better. And I'm grateful she helps me figure out my emotions and feelings.
Something I did well today was being honest with Allegra. Also, today at dinner I was being really stubborn and extreme. But I recognized it and called myself out on it and tried to change it and be humble. And it was hard. But it felt good.

I really love my life. I am so blessed. I get to study nursing at an incredible school. I get to learn and play and sing music. I have a healthy body. I can enjoy nature. I get to live with girls who are constantly trying to improve and become better. I have an awesome ward. I have a job that teaches me a lot and I can earn money and pay for rent and school. I have an awesome family who I love almost more than anything (I got to see Quince today and it was so so good :) and who love me despite my quirkiness and extreme moods and emotions and frustrations. I love them. And most importantly I have a Savior. Who gave His life for me that I might be able to change and to learn and grow and become better. How grateful I am for Him. I love Him. He is my light and my salvation and it brings me so much peace to know that He will always be my Savior. I am incredibly grateful for my Heavenly Father who loves me. Weaknesses and all. And who understands me and wants me to be happy even when I'm doing nothing to deserve it.

Here is to the next few months, as crazy as they will be, of change. Finding out who I am, who I want to be, and how to get there.

Goodnight!

Happiness

I've blogged about this topic many times before. But lately I feel like I've been learning something about it that I never quite understood. It's implied in all the quotes and teachings I've studied in the scriptures and from the modern day prophets, but because of my logical brain I love to know the science behind some of it.

This video is awesome:

One of the quotes in there that I love is this:

"What we're finding is that it is not necessarily the reality that shapes us but the lens to which your brain views the world that shapes your reality. And if we can change the lens...can we change your happiness." 

A few months ago we had a woman come to my work and talk to us about something similar. She gave several examples to show how our "lens" truly does change our reality. One example-how often do you hear someone talk about a particular type of car (or you date a boy who drives a particular car) and then suddenly you always see that type of car everywhere. Did all of Provo suddenly buy new cars? Heavens no. Bu because my brain was "focused in" on a certain type of car, my reality changed. Another example: how many of you have watched the video of the two teams passing the basketball back and forth? You're given instructions to try to count how many passes they make. At the end of the video they ask you if you saw the man in the monkey suit do a dance in the middle of the screen. I fell for that TWICE! And I was like, there is literally NO WAY that a man in a monkey suit walked through the video and I didn't notice. But it was true. My reality was different because I was focused on a specific thing. 

So how much does my reality change if I am only focused on the negative things that happen in my life? Last night I only focused on the negative. How Nate came over and it killed me. How I had to try 5 different printers before I found one that worked. How I had a horrid headache and each minute not in bed was going to make me more exhausted for my 12 hr hospital shift today. How I was cold and lonely and stressed and had so much to do. But what if I had changed my lens? What if I had given Nate all the benefit of the doubt. Or put myself above being hurt? Or been grateful I had so many options for a printer on campus? Or noticed more the gorgeous view I got as I walked up and down so many stairs overlooking Provo? Or been grateful that it wasn't that cold outside. Or tried to look forward to the opportunity I would have today to see the miracle of birth and be a part of it? How much different would my reality have been if I had focused on those things? 

Of course the actual facts wouldn't have changed. Nate still would have come over. The 4 first printers still would have been broken. It still would have been getting later and later. But who cares about facts? They only matter in relation to the story we create from them. And changing the lens with which I shape my story literally changes my reality. 

I want to do it. I want to be a part of the happiness revolution. And I'm lucky because I have the other half of the answers aka the Gospel to provide that eternal happiness. I am going to switch out my lens by choosing to record and think about on one competent thing I did every day and one thing I am grateful for every single day. 

I'm going to do it for the rest of February and see how my attitude about my ability changes. And how my happiness increases. 

So here we go:

Today--> I successfully inserted an IV the first time I've tried since I've been home from my mission. 

Today--> I am so grateful for Brittany and her willingness to spend time with me at our favorite spot (Cafe Rio obvi). I love her. She makes me happy :) 

K, and now I get to do something else that makes me happy. I am going to bed. 

Goodnight! 

MIA

Well hey!

I've been pretty absent from the blogging world lately, but my life has been insanely crazy. So that is why :) And I wanted to write this big long post today about some of the things I've been thinking of but I wasted too much time playing around on the guitar and now I have to go to bed since I have to get up at 5 tomorrow for clinicals. Yay! I get to see more babies born tomorrow :)

But here are some of the things I've been realizing so much about lately:
-God loves me. All of the time. And given His track record of the first 23 years of my life, these next few are going to be pretty great :) I don't know why I always forget how much He takes care of me. I just need to trust Him in that.

-My relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ is a relationship. It's not a one sided thing. It's not an only on Sunday or when I'm reading my scriptures or saying my prayers thing. It's an every day, constant thing. They're there when I need to talk with someone or tell someone about my day or just let out all the dramatic and ridiculous things I want to say. They are always listening. And They are always on my team. They want my relationships with my friends to work out. They want my dating life to be good. They want me to do well in school and clinical and work. They want me to be happy. Isn't that so cool? This line really stuck out to me in the hymn we sang in church on Sunday: "I have loved thee as a friend with a love that cannot end" (Hymn 185).

-Life is beautiful. If I never had anything to stress about I would get so bored of it. If I didn't have to wake up at 5 every morning my conversation with myself each morning wouldn't be nearly as entertaining. :) If I didn't have to spend 50+ hours in scrubs every week I wouldn't appreciate jeans nearly as much. And if I didn't get to have hands on experience in the hospital I wouldn't be as motivated to study. And if I didn't have struggles with relationships I wouldn't have so much incentive to look inward and see how I can change and improve.

Here is the song I've been obsessed with lately:

And the cool thing is that I already know my ending. And it's going to be beautiful.