Graduation

Once upon a time I started college. In the fall of 2009 to be exact. It was exciting. And hard. And stressful. But it pushed me to grow and to change and to learn and to become. And I loved it. A year later I applied to the BYU college of nursing. The application process was so stressful. I was told by one of the advisers that if I didn't know for sure that nursing was my calling in life I shouldn't do it because I would end up being a horrible nurse. But I applied anyway, knowing very well that nursing was not my main calling in life, but also knowing that it would help me reach my potential. In July I found out that I was accepted to the program. I was dating Matt at the time and he took me out to eat to celebrate. 

The first semester we started with lab. I learned how to do assessments and Brittany and I practiced them on each other. The second semester we started our clinicals at the nursing home. They began with 8 hr shifts. The next semester progressed to 10 hrs and then finally the last several were 12 hr shifts. Throughout the program I had several incidents of near fainting. 4th semester in the program I did faint--while watching an epidural being placed.  I learned so much about confidence, about the importance of learning well. 5th semester almost killed me as it was ICU semester, clinicals up at the University of Utah hospital (getting up at 4 am to get ready, pick up each other, and drive up there by 5:45 and then leaving the hospital at 6 pm, driving in rush hour traffic, and finally getting home around 7:45. Loooong days), and studying psych nursing. That semester I also turned in my mission papers. 

I got called to the California, Long Beach Mission. I was leaving February 29th, 2013. I would complete 3.5 years of college with just one semester of nursing school left to go when I returned. During my second transfer out, all of my class graduated from nursing. I remember that day. It was a little bit hard knowing all these people i had gone through nursing school with were going to be all done. And I wasn't there. But I came home from my mission in August 2014. My mission had changed my life and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. I jumped back into school that semester, starting out with a semester of all generals to get those out of the way. In January of 2015 I started back into nursing. I was terrified. I knew no one, I had forgotten so much in the two years since I had been in nursing classes, and I had always struggled with confidence in nursing as it was, let alone being away from it for two years and then coming back into the semester where people expect you to know the most. It was hard. It added to the extreme emotions I had being home from my mission and the feelings and stress and loneliness that had caused. I was working 2 jobs, average of 50 hrs a week plus school and homework. I got up at 5 every morning and rarely went to bed before midnight every day. I didn't ever see my roommates and I struggled finding time to do things I loved and knew I needed to do. 

 But the semester passed. I studied hard. I have learned more in the last 6 months than I ever have in such a short amount of time. I learned about confidence, about relationships, about the importance of taking care of my body, about positive thinking and happiness, and about vulnerability. And 2 days ago I finished college. I graduated from nursing school. I finished!

Life is moving forward. Its rather scary, this transition into adulthood. I got offered a job on the labor and delivery floor of Utah Valley Regional Medical Center in Provo. I start there in June. This summer I plan to buy a car, become financially independent, learn the guitar, learn Spanish, and play as much as possible :) I want to spend quality time with my Heavenly Father every day, learning about Him and learning how to let Him be more a part of my life. I want to enjoy nature. I am going to take better care of my body. And I am going to try and love the changes that are happening in my life.

I'm excited. Here's to the next 3 months of craziness :)

Lately

Merry Christmas!

This Christmas has been an interesting one for me. Very different than any Christmas I've had before.

Perhaps it's because I recently returned from my mission so my perspective is different. Perhaps it is because the majority of my siblings were not here for Christmas. Perhaps it is because I am in a different phase of life. But whatever the reason, it has made me ponder a lot.

One of the things I've thought a lot about is gifts. I did a pretty poor job getting gifts this year. I hate being that person who sends gifts late or who just has to give coupons or pictures of a gift you will get. My family has never really been in to gift giving much. I don't think gifts have every really been ways we express love to each other. So it's always been a little funny to give each other gifts, half of them not arrived yet, some of them not even purchased. (*Note: this excludes Jen, she's the best gift giver of the fam). But with friends it's a little different. Especially with my roommates. They are really good gift givers. So in my stress to return the thought and love they'd show me with their gifts I thought a lot about the whole tradition of gift giving. Why do we even give gifts to each other? The first response in my head was to remember the gifts given to Christ from the wise men. However, my Dad answered that question differently. He said it was to remember the Gift our Father in Heaven gave us in sending us His Son, Jesus Christ. Wow. What an incredible thing to try to emulate. That was a perfect gift given in pure, perfect love. I decided I want my gifts to be more like that from here on out. I may not be able to get the most expensive or fancy gift, but I want to give meaningful gifts. And perhaps that means gifts of time and service more than gifts of things. And some day, when I have a family of my own, I want to start a tradition of skipping the physical gifts of Christmas to each other, and instead show the gift of love through service. To each other within the family as well as to people we choose to serve that year, whether it be humanitarian trips, service at shelters, or something of the kind. #sharethegift


Something else I've been pondering on a lot recently is time. We have such a short amount of it. This Christmas I've wasted a lot of time. It's the first time in years that I haven't had to work during Christmas vacation. Or had homework due (in high school) the week I get back. So I've done a lot of staying up late and sleeping in and watching way too many movies. And it isn't fun. It feels really useless and ineffective and like I'm wasting precious time. This week I'm going to try to do better. I'm going to schedule my time and exercise and practice and read good books and put Heavenly Father first in my day through scripture reading and prayer. I think because I've seen so many movies with intense, dramatic plots and crazy love stories and dangerous situations I've decided that life really is so so simple. It's all about who we become. And we become by doing. And we have our entire lives to do. We can develop talents and personality traits and characteristics. And that is what it's all about. Trials give us opportunities to test those qualities. Easy times give us the opportunity to show faith and dedication and to build them. And it all comes down to how we choose to react and how we choose to act. I want to act and not be acted upon. I want to react in positive, patient, kind ways. I want to choose to become instead of letting my circumstances choose for me. And it all happens in small, simple steps.


Anyways, to move past my thoughts, here are some updates on my life:
School: I found out my capstone placement for next semester! Capstone is where you get to specialize on a specific unit by working all semester there with a preceptor nurse. You work with your preceptor whenever he/she works. You have a required number of hours that typically turns out to be about 3 12 hr shifts/week. You get to put your top 3 preferences. And I got my first choice. Labor and Delivery at UVRMC!! Wahoo!! I'm so so excited :) I get to help mothers bring their beautiful babies into the world all semester long. It's the best thing ever. But it's going to be a huge time commitment. Which brings me to my next update...

Work: I work at a nursing home in south Provo. And lets just say that I don't love my job. I don't mind what I do (I mean, I think very few people love cleaning up bodily wastes but I actually don't mind it) but I really dislike how it is run. We're always short staffed, we're always running crazy, I never know my schedule until the first week of the month and it changes randomly and it's really hard to plan around and... I could go on. But the point is, currently I'm looking for another job. It's rather difficult because I don't know my school schedule for another 2 weeks so it's hard to apply to jobs when I don't know if I'll actually be able to work their hours. But it's going to work out.

Dating: Boys are the worst. I mean, sometimes I love them. But lately they've just caused a lot of drama and frustration in my life. I've realized so much about myself, however, that I'd say these experiences have been worth it. I've learned that I have a long way to go before I could ever be ready for marriage. I need to become sure of and confident in who I am. I need to know that I'm okay, that I can be a valuable part of any relationship, and that I'm confident that I am becoming who God wants me to be. I need to be secure and confident on my own before I can be ready for a relationship. I think that in the past month or so I've begun to reach a healthy spot in that aspect. I have a long way to go, but it makes the dearth in dating okay because I have a future goal or objective I'm working towards.

Social life: This area of my life has been a roller coaster. Having a lot to do with the above section, I'm still learning to be confident and sure of myself. I'm learning who I am and becoming okay with the things I"m discovering about myself. Or setting goals to change them.

And that, folks, is my life. Pretty great if you ask me. Take out financial stress and dating stress and social stress and I think my life would be perfect. And if those are the only things I have to worry about that I'm doing just fine :) I'm so grateful for this phase of my life and the time I have to learn and grow and become. And I'm excited to see what 2015 has in store.