Kindness

When I was in high school I went to DC with my choir. It was a fun trip but, like usual, I was super shy and nervous the whole time. I remember one specific experience before we even got there though, we were on the plane and I was talking to the two people sitting next to me and when I found out we had an hour bus ride after we landed I made the sarcastic comment, "oh joy!" One of the women sitting next to me (who happened to be in my home ward) have a surprised laugh and made a comment along the lines of, I'm glad Rebekah's human too :)

When I was a junior in college my second year in the nursing program i was carpooling to salt lake with a group of nursing students and some how people started talking about getting frustrated. And one of the guys said, Rebekah have you ever gotten mad before? And the girl next to him said, how funny would it be to see Rebekah just EXPLODE at someone! I assured them that I did, in fact, get upset and frustrated but they didn't really believe me.

Tonight, on my way back from Idaho, I was talking to my favorite member family from my mission. They were telling me about an elder on their ward right now and asked if I knew him. I said, I don't have very kind feelings towards that elder. And they laughed and said, what?? Sister Andelin?? Ha that validates everything!!

What do these experiences have in common? They all are evidence that I am not very good at showing my true character hah. But in all seriousness, tonight especially has made me really ponder on what type of person I am. Obviously to a lot of people around me I come across as this angel child who always loves everyone. As much as I wish I was that, I actually often have very unkind thoughts about lots of people. And I think rude comments in my head. And I gossip. And I'm actually not that nice. But I realized today, I want to be that kind. I want to be as nice as everyone seems to think I am. I want to love others and serve them and want to do it because I genuinely care about them and about my Father in Heaven, not because I'm supposed to feel that way or do those things. I want to become that type of person, not just do those kind of things.

I was listening to President Uchtdorf's talk today on my drive and I was struck with this principle:

"Many of us have a difficult time seeing ourselves as we truly are, and even successful people overestimate their own contribution and underestimate the contributions that others make.

It might not be so significant to overestimate how well we drive a car or how far we can drive a golf ball. But when we start believing that our contributions at home, at work, and at church are greater than they actually are, we blind ourselves to blessings and opportunities to improve ourselves in significant and profound ways."
“Lord, Is It I?”
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/10/lord-is-it-i?lang=eng

I want to stop overestimating my goodness or my contribution to the world. Instead I want to understand myself, weaknesses and strengths, and then begin to develop the qualities I want to have.

Thoughts on how to accomplish this?